I have always been told you only get what you settle for. I romanticized about having a high salary job, a nice place, a cool car. I didn’t settle and I achieved every piece of my dream. Am I happy? Well, the grass is always greener.
What have I learned?
Humans were never meant to live a busy, stress bound life. Nervous break downs do not come naturally. Humans are meant to live in equilibrium with the energies of earth. Racing against the clock and trying beat the traffic every morning during rush hour because “my boss is going to kill me”. It is a waste of life, and no one enjoys it. I do not enjoy it. I find myself asking how anyone can be happy like this, if I am fulfilled with what I am currently doing, how I am currently living. I can answer that with a confident “No.”. So what do I do now? How do I escape all of the day to day chaos and non-sense?
I close my eyes. I consider selling all my furniture. I think about placing an ad on Craig’s List to get rid of this lonely pent house. Then I dream of when I was doing what felt right and how I lost it.
I was meant to be out in the wilderness, listening to the crickets chirp, and the wind sing across the grasses. High on a mountain breathing in the liberating airs of high elevation, and knowing it was only me who got me there. Floating down on angelic white blankets in such euphoria that I lack the ability to find words to describe. Smelling the smell of 2-stroke exhaust as I walk the docks to my water chariot. Rope in hand. Fingers skimming reflective waters, hearing only the sounds of summer with the sun in my hair, warm wind on my skin. I shred because it takes me there.
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